going back was impossible
by lowi
Summary: Seven times that defined them. Lucy & Lorcan, and the moments worth remembering. Drabble collection. Thanks to Vicky vicky199416 for betareading.
1. Chapter 1 First Sight

_A/N: Written for Liss' (__fabricated fantasies__) __The Moments Competition__ at the __NGF__s. Thanks to Vicky (__vicky199416__) for betareading._

_**Day 1.**_

_ **(wave, crystalline, parchment – american honey, lady antebellum)**_

**First sight.**

_get caught in the race__  
__of this crazy life__  
__trying to be everything can make you lose your mind_

He cast a glance over his shoulder; the hair that had earlier hung down in his eyes was now plastered on his forehead, thanks to it being soaked.

The drops were so heavy whilst he felt so small that he was certain they would leave bruises all over him.

He sped up, but it felt like he had gone nowhere at all. His legs wouldn't move fast enough, and the waves to the left of him were mocking him, taunting him, with their speed and tremendous power. They almost reached his feet when they hit the shore; every time, his heart jolted—he didn't want them to touch him.

He looked behind himself again, and no longer knew if tears or rainwater drenched his face. It could have been either.

It was empty behind him, so he stumbled down against the sand, and it didn't matter that it was wet and muddy, it didn't matter that he was getting dirty, it just didn't matter. Closing his eyes, he tried to breath.

After a while, he relaxed—maybe everything was all right. His breathing steadied, and he dared to open his eyes again.

And looked straight into another pair. He jumped almost three feet up in the air, but she put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay." Her crystalline blue eyes were like diamonds against grey sky, and her damp hair made Lorcan realized who it was.

He had never before spoken to her, Lucy Weasley, but he had spotted her in the crowds of noisy Gryffindors. "What are you doing here?" he asked quietly.

"You seemed to need company," she answered, equally low, and her white hands that played with the parchment-coloured sand were so tiny that they seemed to disappear.

And maybe she was right; maybe all he needed to not break into a million pieces was someone to sit next to at the beach and watch the thunderstorm with in silence.


	2. Chapter 2 The Moment of Interest

_A/N: Again, thanks to Vicky (vicky199416) for betareading!_

**_Day 2._**

**_(speak, effervescent, capture – sparks fly, taylor swift)_**

**The Moment of Interest.**

_just close enough to touch__  
__close enough to hope you couldn't__  
__see what I was thinking of_

Suddenly, she wasn't _only_ Lucy Weasley.

Suddenly, she was no longer only Lucy Weasley, the girl who meant everything to him and made it possible to stay alive, to stay sane—to stay _Lorcan_. She still _was_ all that, his safe rock, someone he was certain he wouldn't be able to keep going without…but she had turned into so much more, and he hadn't even noticed it.

Not until now.

It was impossible to say when she had changed, but she had. Her effervescent laughter before had always made his heart swell—now though, it made his heart swell even more. Before, it had been because of the simple fact that she was laughing with him, of all people. But now it was because it sounded like bells and swirling in his head, never really leaving. He was addicted to it, the way it made her look so alive, so vibrant, so _beautiful_.

All this was realized in one second, to be precise. In only a heartbeat, Lorcan felt his life being twisted around, turned over, thrown into a tornado and coming out a completely different shape. So when Lucy's, this time _capturing_, eyes met his when she looked up from her book, he blushed.

"What is it?" she asked and, all of a sudden, Lorcan had forgotten how to speak, unable to process how this had happened.

Maybe it had been inevitable from the beginning. So maybe he should have been prepared for it.


	3. Chapter 3 First Kiss

_A/N: Thanks to Vicky (__vicky199416__) for betareading._

_**Day 3.**_

_**(charcoal, sky, fingertips – for the first time, the script)**_

**First kiss.**

_we're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years_

_we just now got the feeling that were meeting for the first time_

Her eyes were black like charcoal, and he had _never_ seen them look as dead as they did then. They were just like two black holes, drawing him closer at the same time as slowly pushing him away.

He had to hurry, hurry to make things right. He had to hurry, hurry to make her smile again. He could see it, see how she silently pleaded for him to make everything go away, but how she, at the same time, couldn't stop herself fading away more and more every second.

But he didn't know _how_ to comfort someone. He had never had the opportunity before to try it, not for real. Not when it mattered.

But when Lucy was hurt, he just had to do it, regardless of having no idea what to do.

So he took a deep breath, looked up to the sky, and hoped he would do the right thing, the right thing for both of their hearts.

She tasted of tears and sadness, of brokenness and darkness.

But then she lifted her hands and put them on his cheeks, her fingertips softer than cotton. Her lips suddenly changed flavour into promises and hope, tomorrow and together.

Finally, Lorcan had been able to do for her what she had done for him: mend her. And somehow, he made himself almost, if not completely, whole; impenetrable, undeniable, indestructible.

(The second kiss would make him so whole that he thought he would burst.)


	4. Chapter 4 First argument

_**Day 4.**_

_**(words, make me, century – the only way I know how to feel, boys like girls)**_

**First argument.**

_believing I was never meant_

_to touch the face of something real_

_these so-called 'scars' will never heal_

"What were you even thinking, Lorcan, can you tell me that?" Her words weren't even close to touching him - he knew that this time he was invincible - and seeing her eyes burning like spitfire made him want to clench his fist in victory.

"What I was thinking? Lucy, really, it's not like I've done anything wrong." He felt a smile spreading across his lips.

"You did nothing wrong? Lorcan, before _I_ went out of my way to befriend you because you seemed _lonely_, you had nobody. When I got with you, you know that it made you popular – because of _me_ you're no longer friendless!"

"You made me popular? What?"

"Yes, it was like that, thank you very much. You can't possibly deny it, Lorcan. Before you and I got together, you were no one, but now, now you are so _interesting_, and so _mysterious._" Something inside of him began to sink as she spoke. "You don't know how to interact with people at all, do you?"

He didn't know what to say, how to respond to what she had said. "I do know how to be with people."

"So, you suppose it's as it should be when you snog my damn _cousin_, when you're my boyfriend? You really think that's how things should be?"

A century could have passed, with Lorcan still not even being close to figuring out what he could answer that with.

"Oh, just leave already." She sat down against the wall, and Lorcan looked at her. Her eyes were closed, and he wanted to shout "make me!" at her; he wanted to rage and he wanted her to look at him with love in her eyes - he wanted everything to just be back to normal.

Before he could react, she stormed out of the room without a word.


	5. Chapter 5 First home together

_**Day 5.**_

_**(clasp, feather light, aubergine – a whole new world, aladdin soundtrack)**_

**First home together.**

_a thrilling chase_

_a wondrous place_

_for you and me_

He found her on the beach, underneath purple, aubergine coloured clouds and an orange sunset. The array of colours, their _vibrancy_, made him contemplate whether in fact she had found him, rather than the other way around.

But it didn't matter, because when he saw her, tears were threatening to spill from his eyes as he collapsed down on the sand next to her.

She was hugging her knees to her body, and it looked as though she would fall into pieces – a fragile doll.

"I'm sorry." That was all he said.

She didn't answer, but then she suddenly let go of her knees and threw her arms around Lorcan. And even if her hands were feather light against him in reality, she still clung to him like he was the only solid thing in the world.

It felt as though he has returned home, that the beach was their home. It was where they had met, where they had spent so many hours - and it was where they had kissed for the first time.

There were no walls that could protect them, there were no roof that could hover above them, but Lorcan had never felt safer.

Her hand clasped itself around his, and Lorcan knew that he was forgiven.


	6. Chapter 6 A disaster

_**Day 6.**_

_ **(tempestuous, candle, rock – somewhere over the rainbow, wizard of oz soundtrack)**_

**A disaster.**

_where troubles melt like lemon drops  
away above the chimney tops  
that's where you'll find me_

He'd managed to walk out somehow and, for the life of him, he didn't have a clue how he'd done it.

When Louis had told him that he should probably come, everything shut down inside him, encapsulated in a cage hard as a rock, and he had followed him without a word, not knowing why.

All the while, he had heard a voice shouting at him that something was wrong, something was awfully wrong – Louis wouldn't look so emotionless otherwise.

But he hadn't dared to listen to the voice.

There was a crowd on the beach, and he wanted to shout at them for intruding, the beach was his and Luce's place, not theirs, but he couldn't form the words to tell them to leave.

Suddenly, he began running and he could hear Louis shouting something, but he didn't care. He pushed through the people that were gathered around...something, and they shouted something at him - but he didn't care.

Lucy. She lay on the ground, pale as a sheet, her wet hair almost black, and she was so still. Someone grabbed him around his waist, and he didn't know why; he only wanted to get to her, to hold her, to make her cheeks rosy, to light a candle in her black eyes, to make her alive again.

He couldn't cry, he could only think of how ironic it was. That she was dead, when it was her who had made him live. That she had died in the only place he felt safe.

He sat on the sand, Lucy still lying there, and there was no one but them and the tempestuous sky that frightened him before. That fear felt so stupid now.


	7. Chapter 7 The parting

___A/N: Final drabble. Thanks to those who have stayed tuned through this, thanks to Liss for creating this competition and thanks to Vicky for being a wonderful betareader!_

* * *

_**Day 7.**_

_**(complete, wind, linger – hello, goodbye, the beatles)**_

**The parting.**

_why, why, why, why, why, why  
do you say good bye_

He continued to hold her against his chest, yet he seemed to have almost calmed down to normal: his breathing was regulated; his cheeks were returning to their normal colour; the sweat that had broken out when he had cried and screamed and raged had dried to nothing.

Yet he didn't want to let her go, so his lips stayed in her hair whilst his eyes lingered on the water. He wanted it to freeze, to become as cold as he felt. He wanted it to be hurt, agonized and pained. Just as he was.

He knew he would have to let her go soon. He didn't know for how long he had been sitting there, but the wind kept whispering "Lucy" to him, and he kept whispering "stay" to her, and it could have been minutes, it could have been days since everyone had left the two of them…he just didn't know.

Her skin was ice against his suddenly burning fingers, and the difference was too vast – he knew she wasn't there any longer; there was no hope of a return for her.

He rose from the wet sand that was stuck in her hair, on her clothes, and on him. The holocaust was complete and he was never going to meet her again. It didn't matter that they had had so little time because he was never going to see her eyes again, never going to feel her lips again.

(When he closed his own eyes for the last time, though, he hoped he had been wrong and that they would now reunite.)


End file.
